Ed's Public Sex Romp
by jesterinblack
Summary: Investigators have proven that it was in fact not a rape incident due to the evidence laying thrown across the car which happened to be cock rings, sex toys, and etc. These men are guilty for buttsex and nudity in public. Please call 1-(800)-you-suck if you have any further information to where these faggots may be. Crackfic xD yaoi. Rated m.


**I saw a magazine at the store today saying 'Katy's Public Sex Romp' and I have no idea why but I had to write a fanfiction about it with ed and roy. **

**So it'll be short, so why not read it? And hopefully it'll make you laugh so that's a bonus. **

**I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, if I did the word 'yaoi' would take on a whole new meaning and everyone would know yaoi as the term for Edward and Mustang screwing each other until they're trying not to scream.**

Ed's Public Sex Romp

"Reporters live on the scene have recently recovered a vehicle in the parking lot behind a popular store building in Central City finding a white substance on the backseat, front seat, and many other places inside the vehicle. Shop owner Izumi Curtis and her husband were witnesses to this incident taking place around midnight of last night. Here is her testimony."

The reporter steps aside and lets Izumi Curtis walks up to the camera looking as pissed as ever waiting for the questions to be asked.

"Mrs. Curtis! What exactly did you see/hear?"

"I didn't _see_ anything. I was closing up the shop working late with my husband here when I saw this car over here shaking around violently so I figured something must be happening, right? Well I hear all these weird sounds coming from it and think someone's being raped or something. Then before I can run over and save the poor person they both jump out of the car into the field naked over there and I try to find them but it's too damn dark and I can't see shit. That's all I know. So leave me the hell alone and stop stalking me! You damn reporters just don't know when to fucki-"

She was shoved out of the way as the reporter came back into the picture. "That's all for now. Many investigators had thought it was a rape incident, but after looking further into the case they were met with other important clues in the car that showed for this to be a planned incident. Condoms, sex toys, and cock rings were found littered on the car floor that has proven this is in fact not a rape incident, and provide further clues with DNA samples from the use condoms that help us find out who was responsible for this public sex act."

The reporter started walking to a table on the side trying to suavely pick up an envelope that held bulgy stuff in it but failed as she dropped is several times and finally shouted a "fuck it!" and left it on the ground.

She fixed her hair to look more decent after her hissy fit as she composed herself for the camera that she didn't know never left her. "More evidence has just come in from the investigators from the camera on top of the building next to the car that pick up sound waves from this incident and let us see dim figures in the night helping the investigators find our suspects. I'll go get another copy of it and let you all see it."

The camera showed the reporter girl running hysterically down the street into a news car before it went blank and had static right as she tripped over her too-big-for-her high heels.

A few minutes later she came back on the camera with an envelope that resembled the other one she fucked up earlier. She put her hair over the new bruise that was starting to form on her forehead as she started talking again.

"In my hand I have evidence of the incident occurring here. Due to the extreme profanity and sexual implications we were forced to modify it for the public to see. Watch."

_The camera picked up the dark night showing to be late at night as a car swerved into the parking lot behind the store._

_A small head stuck out the window of the van before you could hear an 'all clear' come out and the head was forced inside the van once again. _

_The car started moving back and forth vigorously as the camera picked up faint sounds coming from inside the car._

"_Oh, yes! Harder!"_

"_Fuck!__"_

"_Harder, harder! Deeper! Right there! Oh, god! Oh god yes! Mo-"_

The camera in real life showed some scruffling before it went dark and you could only hear the words of the people talking on the camera.

"You fucking idiots! You broadcased the wrong one! That was the non-modified version! What the hell are you people thinking!" A man who sounded like he was gonna rape a donkey after murdering it said.

More scuffling occurred and then a man who was sweating and had a red face showed on the camera.

"Thank you all for watching. If you have any idea as to who these faggots are who are gulty of having buttsex in public and nudity in public, please call the following number:"

1-(800)-you-suck

Meanwhile Ed, Alphonse, and Winry were all sitting on the couch watching the news together as Alphonse blushed and Winry got a nosebleed.

**Does that even make sense**

**Fuck it**

**Any oneshot requests?**

**Jester out**


End file.
